dheReaLmoi.blogspot.com
I feel that death is better then living and having to face all this nonsense.. Monday, February 4, 2008
I have no idea what is wrong with me.I've been studying, not alot, IMO.
But i keep having these repeated bouts of blackness.
More than I ever told the rest around me.
Because most of the times, Im aware of what is happening and is able to pause and calm myself down before walking on.
But sometimes, the darkness leap upon me without any prior warning.
Like today, on the stairs I suddenly see nothing.
Knowing its another case of the stupid darkness,
i paused but its seems that my foot had a mind of its own.
If not for Jehanne holdin on to me,
I think I would have tumbled down the stairs.
Gratitude for that girl.
But right now, nothing can describe my fear.
I'm really scared that I'll be blind all over again.
Just like when I'm born and when I cant see the colours of the world.
I don't want that to happen.
I had so many things else to do,
so many others things I want to keep dear and hold dear to me.
I don't want to lose them all.
My friends, my classmates, my fellow GLs,
I don't want anything to happen to me that will cause me to lose sight of them, literally.
I never share it to anyone,
never disclose it to my dearest and closest people surrounding me.
I don't want it to be a burden to them all.
I know I haven't been eating well.
I know that I'm starting to get addicted to paracetamol.
I know that I'm starting to rely more on others rather than on myself.
I know that I'll be sinking alot into my relationship.
I know all these are inevitable.
I know all these are seen by people surrounding me.
Sooner or later, my family will realise it.
I'm emo-ing.
I HATE to be a burden to anyone.
So I seldom emo outside.
I emo heavily at home.
But I'm not that stupid to hurt myself.
Except for inflicting minor pain to myself.
To remind myself that I'm still alive and I will remain alive.
I'm really scared that one day, while walking on the road, I will have the blackness.
And then an accident will happen.
I love my family.
Despite all the arguments and quarrels that we have.
Because I know without you I won't be here.
I love my friends.
Because I know that without their support,
I won't be able to be who I am today.
Because I love them,
I don't want them to share and add onto their burdens.
My point of view.
Nothing more.
I'm really scared.
But I'm confiding in no one,
no one yet.
Only you.
Feeling the need to de-stress desperately; 6:59 AM;Y